


the little things

by cadyjanis



Series: jatchen [1]
Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-04 10:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17302874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadyjanis/pseuds/cadyjanis
Summary: gretchen is much happier after she’s had her gummy worms, and janis doesn’t mind how she gradually inches closer til their thighs and arms are touching. it’s quiet in this part of town right now, and the breeze feels nice on gretchen’s legs and face.again, the insignificant things. although they’re starting to feel pretty important.—janis helps gretchen feel better during a particularly rough day.





	the little things

**Author's Note:**

> yes i ship them now what about it
>
>> **minor tw for d slur**

Gretchen is downright flustered this morning.

 

She’s even wearing ballet flats, because she didn’t trust herself to walk in heels on shaky legs. She climbs out of the car, sunglasses perched on her head, and forces them to carry her up to the building. She walks into school already clutching her books, and can feel her heart beating against the cover of her dictionary.

 

She tries to just breathe, anxiety lapping at her brain like waves taunting the shore. She sits in the back during homeroom, jotting down thoughts in her notes and checking to be sure all her things are in order. She’s absorbed in Instagram when the chair in front of her squeaks, and is greeted by a raspy, “Hey,” that causes her to jump and drop her phone.

 

“Sorry!” Janis exclaims, bending to catch it. She dusts off the screen and gives it back to her. It isn’t cracked, luckily, but Gretchen is too startled to care, a hand still over her racing heart.

 

“It’s fine,” she whispers, and Janis adopts a concerned expression, sitting down backwards on her chair. Cady twists in hers to see what’s wrong.

 

“Are you okay?” Janis asks, lowering her voice so it won’t draw the attention of others. Damian reaches out to pat Gretchen’s shoulder, and she sits up straighter, trying to act natural.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Gretchen repeats, leaning across her desk to peck Janis on the lips. The kiss, while welcomed, does little to make Janis not worry. It’s obvious Gretchen _isn’t_ fine, but it’s not like they can do anything about it.

 

She feels like her brain is eating the effects of her meds then spitting them back out. Which is a delightful observation because now she’ll wonder if she needs new ones.

 

Janis shares a glance with Damian, and Cady turns back around in her seat to give Gretchen some space. Janis touches her arm once before doing the same, and Gretchen studies what’s on the back of Janis’s jacket today. It helps her focus.

 

It’s always the seemingly insignificant things that make Gretchen feel a tiny bit better.

 

She and Cady have second period French, and hears Janis softly ask Cady to keep an eye on her. Cady loops her elbow through Gretchen’s as they head off to class, and what Gretchen is most appreciative of is how Cady doesn’t pry.

 

Gretchen can’t really speak, anyway. Her voice is lost, missing inside her.

 

When French concludes, biology is next, and Gretchen gets to sit next to Taylor Wedell. Taylor greets her with a tentative smile, since most people are now wary of the Plastics. Who aren’t a group anymore, at least not in a clique-y way. Gretchen isn’t as close with Regina and Karen’s in private school for her senior year.

 

Gretchen finds herself blinking back tears when she remembers her sweet, well-meaning best friend is currently halfway across town at some fancy school, probably with new friends so she can forget all about Regina and Gretchen. They’ll fade away into nothingness.

 

Gretchen wishes she could fade away. So then she wouldn’t be here, on the verge of a vicious anxiety attack at barely ten in the morning. But she’s an expert at combating her own mind, so she manages to ward it off for the remainder of biology.

 

Wouldn’t want to freak out Taylor or bring attention to herself. The one thing worse than others simply staring at you is staring at you because you made a scene. It’s humiliating.

 

Gretchen heads to the bathroom afterwards, hoping warm water on her hands will make them stop shaking. But the chatter around her isn’t beneficial, and several girls give her weird looks, like she’s doing something wrong by breathing.

 

She escapes the bathroom in tears again, and hurries to the library with no shits to give. If she misses one session of health and safety, so be it. That class sucks, anyway.

 

Well. She makes herself laugh at the pun.

 

She settles in the back of the library, going to make use of her time here by studying for a quiz coming this Friday. She puts on the playlist Janis made her so it’s like she’s here, too.

 

Janis herself comes looking for her when the hour is up, because it’s a free period. Gretchen’s already thumping heart does this weird skidding thing when she sees Janis walk in, and turns down her music to prepare for a conversation.

 

Janis smiles when she spots Gretchen, who waves tepidly. Gretchen closes up shop when her girlfriend approaches and sits down in the chair beside her, slow and catlike.

 

“You doing okay?” Janis asks, chin in her hand, after a pause.

 

Gretchen shakes her head, curling her hands in her lap so Janis won’t see them trembling. It’s bad enough that people gave her looks. She knows Janis will understand and won’t judge, but Gretchen’s instinct is to withdraw into her shell.

 

“What can I do?” Janis murmurs, brushing Gretchen’s hair off her face. Janis’s whole aesthetic is sort of punk-rock and intense, so her softness was an initial surprise.

 

Gretchen lifts a shoulder. “Nothing,” she admits. “I just have to deal with it, I guess.”

 

She bites her tongue. She allows herself to be vulnerable and anxious in front of Janis, but will not make it Janis’s problem. She knows that’s the point of being in a relationship, letting her be there for Gretchen, but it’s just too much.

 

“We have an hour,” Janis reminds her. “Wanna go get yogurt or something?”

 

Gretchen loves frozen yogurt, so much so that the place in town gave her a year’s discount on anything she orders. Unable to pass up the chance to have gummy worms this early, she nods and gathers her stuff, which Janis offers to carry to her locker.

 

Then they head out, hands linked as they walk across the parking lot to Janis’s truck. It’s chilly out so Janis turns on the heat, and lets Gretchen pick the radio station. Not much is said while she drives, and Gretchen is relieved.

 

That’s what she loves about Janis, too. She knows when and where to fill silence with words.

 

The employee greets Gretchen by name when they walk in, and waves at Janis. They spend a decent amount of time choosing flavors and toppings, then go sit outside on a bench to eat.

 

Gretchen is much happier after she’s had her gummy worms, and Janis doesn’t mind how she gradually inches closer til their thighs and arms are touching. It’s quiet in this part of town right now, and the breeze feels nice on Gretchen’s legs and face.

 

Again, the insignificant things. Although they’re starting to feel pretty important.

 

“Did something happen?” Janis asks after she tosses out their empty cups. Gretchen looks at her and she puts an arm around her shoulders. “Like, with your parents or something.”

 

“Oh. No.” Gretchen would be having a full-on meltdown if that were the case. “Nothing’s wrong except my stupid brain. I can’t calm down.”

 

Janis’s nails absently stroke her arm. “Nobody said anything to you?”

 

She’s trying to be protective without saying she’ll punch someone in the face. Gretchen smiles and kisses her cheek to show her appreciation. “No,” she assures.

 

Janis puffs out her chest a little. “’Cause if someone did, I’d show them my fist.”

 

That coaxes a laugh out of Gretchen, who takes Janis’s free hand, noting how badly it’d hurt if this fist and all those rings hit somebody.

 

And as attractive as that fantasy is, Gretchen doesn’t want Janis to get into trouble for her. Not that anything happened to begin with, but still. Gretchen gives her a kiss of gratitude and says, “I know you would. You’re my modern day lesbian knight in shining armor.”

 

Janis’s eyes light up and she reaches into her boot to retrieve her small dagger. “I really am. If I have to stab someone instead, I will. Death by my dyke blade.”

 

That sends Gretchen into a laughing fit as Janis casually twirls her sharpened dagger.

 

They hold hands again on the way back to Janis’s truck, and still during the drive back. Janis’s thumb rubs Gretchen’s and it’s all Gretchen has ever wanted in life.

 

She used to spend time wishing, wanting, hoping for moments like this. Somebody to help her walk on days where she feels like she can’t even stand. She grips Janis’s hand tighter walking back into school, a sort of reverse reaction to wondering what people will say. But nobody has said a bad word about Janis since last spring, and know she’ll tear them to shreds if they have even the slightest negative thing to say.

 

It’s lunchtime by the time they come back, and Gretchen goes to sit with the art freaks like she always does nowadays. She sits on Janis’s lap and they steal some of Damian’s fries, full from their yogurt excursion. Cady seems pleased Gretchen is doing better, and offers an Oreo.

 

Gretchen is still a bit shaky the rest of the day, but thinking about everyone’s kindness helps. It is nice to know her people care, and they especially won’t judge.

 

She’s immensely relieved when the day is finally over, and drives home with Janis behind her. Driving while anxious is a feat, but knowing Janis is so close makes it easier. Gretchen’s mom and dad are out of town, so Janis can stay as long as she wants. Which is so fetch.

 

Regina used to hate that term, and Gretchen uses it as much as she can now because it’s fun, and how she expresses that she approves of something. She remembers how much shame and anxiety it gave her whenever Regina got mad.

 

But she doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. Fetch _can_ happen.

 

They go up to Gretchen’s room, depositing their crap on the nearest surface, and Janis seizes Gretchen’s wrist. She gently spins her around and tugs her closer, grinning mischievously, and kisses her. Gretchen hums a laugh, hands on Janis’s shoulders.

 

“I have to do that every day,” Janis murmurs seriously. “It makes me stronger.”

 

Gretchen giggles. “It sure does,” she agrees, then sighs, touching Janis’s dyed hair.

 

“What’s up?” Janis asks, locking her hands around Gretchen’s back.

 

“Nothing,” Gretchen says, and hugs her. She’s glad Janis is the tall one, because her head fits right under her chin, which Janis then rests on her hair.

 

They stay like that for a bit, just listening to the other breathe. Gretchen feels the calmest she’s been today, standing here hugging her girlfriend. She didn’t think this kind of happiness was in the cards for her. But now here Janis is.

 

“I’m sorry, y’know,” she’s compelled to say, for familiar guilt is stirring the fiercer she loves her.

 

“For what?” Janis asks, perplexed, and Gretchen pulls back to see her face. She’s beautiful. It doesn’t appear that way to Janis but Gretchen thinks she’s absolutely gorgeous.

 

How could she have ever done her wrong?

 

“For all the things I said,” Gretchen whispers, touching a pin on her jacket.

 

Janis’s brow furrows. “What things? When?”

 

“Before,” Gretchen insists. “Before Cady changed everything.”

 

Realization dawns on Janis then and she gives Gretchen the most forgiving look. “Honey. You already apologized for all that, remember? And I wouldn’t have risked having a crush on you if I hadn’t forgiven you. Don’t be sorry.”

 

Gretchen blushes at the reminder Janis has feelings for her in return. “I know. I just feel bad.”

 

This happens occasionally, where Gretchen gets anxious about her past wrongdoings and her sweet, loving girlfriend has to tell her she’s not like that anymore.

 

Gretchen doesn’t do it on purpose or for attention; she just starts to overthink it and the guilt is too much to bear. But Janis always knows what to say.

 

Janis leads her to her bed and they sit down on the plush comforter. It’s pale pink to match the walls, and the decor pillows are super soft. Gretchen sometimes sleeps with one if Janis can’t be there to spend the night to cuddle her instead.

 

“I’m not still mad at you,” Janis is saying, running her nail over the back of Gretchen’s hand.

 

“You’re not?” Gretchen counters, because surely a tiny part of Janis should still be angry. The Plastics did a number on her. How she’s willingly here in Gretchen’s room is a miracle.

 

“No,” Janis laughs, shaking her head. “Of course not. Yeah, it sucked, but it’s over now. We’ve all sorta moved on with our lives. I’m okay.”

 

Gretchen leans her cheek on her shoulder. “You’re allowed to be mad.”

 

“I know,” Janis says lightly. “But I don’t want to be. I’ve spent so much time holding on to it and it’s just exhausting at this point. Regina and I made up. We’re all older now. You included. So it just seems wasteful to hold a grudge. I won’t lie, I have moments where I’m really pissed. But I relax when I remember what I have now, and what I’m gonna do.”

 

Gretchen sighs. “Good,” she murmurs, feeling better again.

 

“Good,” Janis repeats, and kisses her forehead. “So, you wanna do homework or what?”

 

Gretchen giggles, and they kiss, which leads to Janis happily rolling on top of her, their kisses quickly becoming needy and demanding.

 

“What kind of homework?” Gretchen asks, nipping Janis’s bottom lip.

 

Janis shrugs. “The totally not schoolwork kind,” she hums, and Gretchen soon forgets why she doubted herself in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are fetch ♡


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